The backstory...

It's good to see some familiar faces here. I've missed y'all.

Our story is a bit of a strange one. His parents live one pasture over from my father's sister in a town of less than 400 people. His parents are very good friends with my aunt, and know my parents - and even my sisters very well. But I lived away (first in Florida, then Missouri, then Kansas) and he did too (in Michigan for over 10 years with his ex-wife and then to Illinois). We met by a complete fluke via a photography website. We became best friends. And then, it blossomed into something more. I fell in love with him, and I was able to give myself completely to him without fear. At first we were just getting to know each other - and I would fly up (we took turns paying) once a month. Then it was once every two weeks, then it was I would fly up every Friday and fly back every Monday morning.

We picked out a lovely apartment on the North side of the city just a half mile from the el with original hardwoods and a restored kitchen and bathrooms. Easter weekend he flew down and helped me move up my meager belongings (having left the vast majority of them when I left the old house). On Mother's Day, we drove to Grand Rapids to pick up a gift he'd selected for me - two 6 week old kittens to help appease the loss of the ones I left behind.

We firmly made the decision a few months ago that we wouldn't mind having a family together. But, I was sure it wouldn't work for us. Not right away. We consulted with a reproductive endocrinologist who told me that he wouldn't be surprised if I ended up pregnant on my own during the process of treatment. I laughed. Because really... I'd been off birth control for over five years, and actively trying everything in the book with my ex. My eggs, they are not delicate little flowers bursting forth with abundance... no they're obstinate little bastards who refuse to ripen. When I was trying before, it was either no ovulation at all thanks to the PCOS or extreme overstimulation.

We traveled extensively this summer. Mexico City, Denver and the Colorado Rockies, Washington D.C., Austin, Miami and the Florida Keys. I took my third full bar exam in four years. Life was hectic and a general mess.

We decided to move to the suburbs. Found a historic home built before 1920 that we fell in love with. Five bedrooms, two studies and a library. Gorgeous. The day we first saw it I felt like it should be "our" house. We were laughing, making big plans... enjoying each other without distraction.

Twelve days later, we'd submitted a bid on the house. I took a test that morning. Negative. I chunked it into my bathroom trash, silently cursing that I'd wasted another $10. Later that day I dropped a contact and when picking it up off the floor I saw that the test poking up through the refuse, mockingly.

There appeared to be a faint blue line on the test.

"Hmmm. that's odd. Though surely it's an evaporation line." I thought. I sighed thinking how lonely it would be with just the two of us and the cats in that big house for the indefinite future.

We drove out to look at the house again the next day and I was ravenous. I had lunch and less than two hours later was begging him to stop at McD's for a cheeseburger. He looked at me oddly as I'd given up almost all meat completely and hadn't eaten beef in ages. A few hours later, I had to ask him to pull over so I wouldn't get sick in the car. Apparently mid-sentence I just passed out cold asleep. My breasts were swollen and heavy and I recoiled angrily when he accidentally brushed against them.

When we got home, he raised an eyebrow... "do you think?"

"No." I replied. Surely not.

The next morning, I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn't sleep. I stumbled to the bathroom and saw another test on the counter. Half asleep, I ripped the foil packaging and laughed at myself for yet again wasting money on a test.

I sat naked on the toilet - utterly dumbfounded as I saw the first line and then the second line of blue darken on the test. I shook my head. Second line? What?

****DOES NOT COMPUTE*****

Instantly awake, I started shaking.

WHAT??????

WHAT THE HELL??????

I busted into the bedroom door - barely grasping the test in my quivering hand.

"WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!" I all but screamed...

"WAKE UP!!!!!!!", throwing the test at him I asked "IS THERE ANOTHER LINE??? ARE THERE TWO????"

He calmly replied, "Yes, why? What does that mean? Is that good?"

So, rather unexpectedly I find myself up the duff with a due date in mid-April.

The first doctor's appointment is Thursday afternoon. I am still running maniacally to the 'loo every few hours convinced my period is about to make it's arrival. I'm exhausted, and hungry, and queasy... and more excited than I've ever been in my life. I realize we've got a long way to get out of the woods, but I'm hopeful. I just have a feeling that everything will be alright.

Our bid on the house wasn't accepted, but I feel oddly calm about it. About everything right now. There's a very zen-like quality to things that's catching me rather off-guard.

Oh, and if you in fact "know" us online via flickr or the like - please keep this bit of info quiet. While I realize I'm blogging with abandon about this tiniest little surprise... I'm not ready for that to be common knowledge in other places yet. Thanks.