Sunday, December 28, 2008

At a loss...

My sister-in-law told me she was pregnant on Thanksgiving day, with her seventh child. She was a few weeks ahead of me, and due in early July. She asked me to keep it quiet, and I did, though I nearly stumbled a few times. On Christmas Day, she told her parents who were visiting for the holidays. And then she called her brother - my husband - and told him. Everyone's excitement was a bit tempered.

She and her husband had just sold their house at a huge loss and moved into a rental. She's a phenomenal mother - and homeschools all of her children. Her parents and brother worried that she was stretched too thin, that her husband's fishing trips were taking him away too long from his family. She's been dealing with a thyroid problem this last year, and they were worried about her health. How will she manage? Financially? Physically?

I have to admit there was a part of me that was jealous she was pregnant. I was baffled at how she could have a seventh when I struggled so hard to get to the point where I was hopefully having a second. I was angry that it was just so easy for her. Angry at who? I have no idea. Not her. The universe, perhaps. How embarrassingly petty of me.

We got a call late last night that she was in the hospital, and that she'd lost the baby. She was about 13 weeks along.

I'm at a loss as to what to say to her. I don't want to cause her additional pain, but I wish I could let her know how sorry I am for her loss. How much my heart is breaking for her.

Last night I started spotting pink after we went shopping for awhile. This morning I'm bleeding a deeper red. I hope that it's just the clot resolving itself. When I called the doctor's office Friday they said not to be alarmed if I had bleeding.

I'm afraid to hope for much of anything right now.

7 comments:

DD said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's loss. The best thing you can say is to tell her you don't quite know what to say...

Also, I hope that you'll get reasuring news.

Nic said...

I'm sorry to hear about your SIL too. And I really hope that everything is okay with your little one!

Jenn said...

Agree with DD, tell her how sorry you are and you wish you knew what to say. It's not going to cause her more pain to know you are thinking of her.

And i hope your bleeding is nothing serious. Fingers crossed.

pete said...

Been following your blogs etc for a while now, as a passive observer. I wish you and your family all the best fortune possible, and my heart goes out to your sister-in-law and her family. Just be there if they reach out to you is all I can offer, and be strong. I'm sure all your readers are praying for your happiness.x

Scoutj said...

I will be thinking of you A.

jbondsgirl said...

I'm so sorry to hear about you SIL's loss. I think the best thing you can say is that you're there and that you love her. And maybe that even though your situations are vastly different, you know what it is to grieve the loss of a child and the loss of the all the dreams and hopes that go with that child, whether he or she is the first or the seventh. I know that whatever you say, she'll be able to see that you love her and that you understand as much as anyone can how very hard this is.

I'm praying for you and the resolution of this clot. I hope everything is okay and you're feeling better soon.
xo
Flicka

Good Egg Hunting said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law, and wishing you all the best with your pregnancy. I definitely agree with the previous comments -- it is comforting to me to hear that people aren't quite sure what to say (and know that words can't take away the pain) but they are thinking of me. Definitely acknowledge the grief. A friend of mine just sent me a breezy email -- I think to try to cheer me up -- without acknowledging my m/c, and it was like a slap in the face.