Here we go again.

On January 6th, our son Montgomery was rushed to the emergency room with an anaphylactic reaction to green peas. While in the emergency room watching the doctors tending to him I heard internal pop sound and went to the bathroom to find myself hemmorhaging heavily. I was six weeks pregnant, but the blood tests revealed that it was actually a chemical pregnancy. I bled heavily for over a week, and was heartbroken. I'd been off birth control for a year before we'd managed to conceive, and feared it was going to be a very, very long time before we were able to again. Then, in February, I got pregnant again. I was so scared, afraid to hope. And, rightfully so. I miscarried again March 18th. Follow up blood tests showed this too was a chemical pregnancy. Overwhelmed with sadness, we decided to take a few months off. Let my body heal, let me heal emotionally - and just try to work through the pain. We were going out to dinner on the night of Friday March 13th and I just felt ... off. Nothing really wrong, I just had a sneaking suspicion that I was pregnant. Assuming that I ovulated 14 days from the miscarriage, I would've only been at most 3 weeks, 5 days along. My period wasn't even due yet. I had one digital pregnancy test left and as Patrick got ready to go out, I snuck in the bathroom to take it. It seemed like it took a long time for the results to come up - but when it did, it shocked me.

I thought maybe it was just the HCG leftover from the previous pregnancy. Over the next few days, I took another four pregnancy tests. Each one was positive, though light. I called my doctor's office and told them that I'd tested positive again. They brought me in for some HCG testing. CD 32 - HCG 306 CD 33 - HCG 474 CD 36 - HCG 1,845. Doubling times were 36-37 hours, which to me seemed quite good. I normally ovulate from day 18-20 in a cycle, but with the miscarriage, who knows. I know I had a positive urine test on CD 26. I had an ultrasound today on CD 37 and there's a small gestational sac in the top of the uterus. They said that I don't look like I'm 5 weeks 2 days along, so I'm curious as to what the elevated HCG levels may mean, if anything. I am trying so hard not to get excited, not to get my hopes up.

I'm failing. Miserably. I can't believe we're going to be a family of five. Or six. The ultrasound tech said that the sac seemed small compared to my numbers, so it's a possibility that I'm pregnant with twins. We have a follow-up ultrasound in two weeks to hopefully see more.