Christ on a cracker.

I'm a well educated woman. I essentially skipped my last two years of high school and finished my undergraduate degree when I was only 18.

I had my MBA before I could legally buy alcohol.

I finished law school at 23.

I work for a high profile law firm and negotiate multi-million dollar contracts on a regular basis.

Annnnnd... I apparently can't fucking read the directions that go with my birth control pill.

Patrick and I had a few rounds of unprotected sex before my "back in the saddle" 6 week check up (which I actually had at 7 or 8 weeks postpartum). I had a pregnancy test in the office, and it was... negative.

White as snow. I assumed it would be.

So, because I'm breastfeeding, they put me on the mini pill so as not to interfere with milk production. Great. Fabulous. The nurse was in a hurry, they were closing early that Friday and she shooed me out with the prescription.

With my bouncing bundle of screaming infant buckled safely in the backseat of the car - (inside his Maxi-Cosi seat which I incidentally hate and can't wait for him to grow out of) the pharmacist asked me if I had any questions when I picked up my prescription.

Nope, no questions. Just hand over the pills lady. Mind you, I took the pill for years (and actually got pregnant while taking it TWICE at age 19). And that kind of luck makes you REALLY careful about taking the pill on time every day.

Until, that is - you have a newborn and are battling postpartum depression and are schlepping a baby through the airport more times than you should at his age to get halfway across the country before your closest relative passed away... you know... I would've been pretty vigilant about taking it.

But, you see, I wasn't. I took it haphazardly - forgot a day? No problem, take a double dose the next day. Right? FUCKING WRONG. Apparently you have to take the mini-pill the exact same time every single day to be effective. No skipping doses, to being late... unless you want to be late if you know what I'm saying.

The first week I was on it, I had pretty significant spotting - no surprise as I always had breakthrough bleeding on the pill.

Like the "regular" pill I thought the last week of the mini pill was a placebo. Um, no. Apparently not. So last Saturday when I was supposed to start the last week (and expected my period to show up - since the hormones were apparently wrecking havoc on my body) I ditched the pill pack. Today, well - today's Wednesday and all day I've been trying to not puke all over the place.

I've been wearing white panties all week and well, there's not even the hint of spotting.

I was infertile for five years while married to my ex-husband. Patrick and I weren't exactly being careful but we weren't trying to get pregnant when we conceived Julian. We'd love another child, but um, not yet. Not anytime soon.

I know that because I'm breastfeeding, and at least was taking the minipill somewhat correctly that my chances are lower.

But seriously? This is the first time in a very, very long time that I've worried about being pregnant and desperately not wanted to be.

Ugh. When do I test? When do I start a new pack of pills?