Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet

Here we go again. Three months of back-to-back unsuccessful 5 mg. Femara treatments. Month four of treatment coupled with trigger shot, progesterone after ovulation, baby aspirin, folic acid and prenatals throughout. Today is CD 39. Potentially four follicles big enough to release earlier at my follicular ultrasound. 10 DPO - Digital HPT negative. Trigger definitely out of my system. 14 DPO - Digital HPT positive. 14 DPO - HCG 250. 16 DPO - HCG 707. The doubling times are a bit... fast (around 32 hours), and the initial levels are quite high for what we expected. Ultrasound tomorrow to see how many implanted, as clinic suspects that there may be more than one. I am a nervous wreck, but so excited - even in spite of telling myself that it was not a good thing to let hope move in yet. I am 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Nothing bad has happened yet.

Limbo

After the first draw of 39, four days later I went back and it was 34. A week later it had dropped to 20. Obviously, not a viable pregnancy. We're not sure that it actually was a new chemical pregnancy or just retained products of conception from the last time around. It's now been 6 1/2 weeks since the D&C and as of yesterday my HCG levels were down to 15 (from 20 a week before). The slow drop has been an emotional hell. I just want to be done with this entire situation. I still obviously haven't had a cycle yet. I'm leaving now for vacation, with a 6 1/2 hour flight in front of me today. I'm sure it'll start then.

Again.

HCG level from Thursday morning was 39. With not having a cycle after my miscarriage/D&A I have no idea when I ovulated. Repeat blood test today. So nervous.

Genetic Testing Results, and a Shock

The nurse called yesterday morning, as the genetic testing results were finally in. Female. Chromosomally normal. I was heartbroken, as we'd hoped for a daughter for so many years. However, the call served of confirmation of what I'd already known for weeks in my heart. However, that news wasn't shocking. Instead, it was the four pregnancy tests that I took last night, each of which showed a strong positive. It's been four weeks to the day from my D&C. I haven't had a cycle yet. We had sex one time. Once. It's possible, though very very unlikely that it is retained products of conception - basically tissue that the D&C (really a D&A) didn't remove from the uterus that still has a blood supply. Now that the Supreme Court decision on health care reform is out (I'm an attorney who specializes in this area), I'm headed to the hospital for an HCG draw. If this is indeed a new pregnancy, I will have been pregnant all but about 6 weeks of this year, with four separate pregnancies. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm happy. I'm nervous. Everything, all at once.

Aren't you glad you use Dial? Don't you wish everybody did?

I don't really care what soap or deodorant everyone uses, but I really wish they'd just be sure to use SOMETHING. This pregnancy so far the worst symptom is that my sense of smell is out of control. I can smell milk souring two streets over. The absolute worst though, are body odor smells. A guy got in my elevator today who'd just been out for a run and I almost lost it and threw up.

Here we go again.

On January 6th, our son Montgomery was rushed to the emergency room with an anaphylactic reaction to green peas. While in the emergency room watching the doctors tending to him I heard internal pop sound and went to the bathroom to find myself hemmorhaging heavily. I was six weeks pregnant, but the blood tests revealed that it was actually a chemical pregnancy. I bled heavily for over a week, and was heartbroken. I'd been off birth control for a year before we'd managed to conceive, and feared it was going to be a very, very long time before we were able to again. Then, in February, I got pregnant again. I was so scared, afraid to hope. And, rightfully so. I miscarried again March 18th. Follow up blood tests showed this too was a chemical pregnancy. Overwhelmed with sadness, we decided to take a few months off. Let my body heal, let me heal emotionally - and just try to work through the pain. We were going out to dinner on the night of Friday March 13th and I just felt ... off. Nothing really wrong, I just had a sneaking suspicion that I was pregnant. Assuming that I ovulated 14 days from the miscarriage, I would've only been at most 3 weeks, 5 days along. My period wasn't even due yet. I had one digital pregnancy test left and as Patrick got ready to go out, I snuck in the bathroom to take it. It seemed like it took a long time for the results to come up - but when it did, it shocked me.

I thought maybe it was just the HCG leftover from the previous pregnancy. Over the next few days, I took another four pregnancy tests. Each one was positive, though light. I called my doctor's office and told them that I'd tested positive again. They brought me in for some HCG testing. CD 32 - HCG 306 CD 33 - HCG 474 CD 36 - HCG 1,845. Doubling times were 36-37 hours, which to me seemed quite good. I normally ovulate from day 18-20 in a cycle, but with the miscarriage, who knows. I know I had a positive urine test on CD 26. I had an ultrasound today on CD 37 and there's a small gestational sac in the top of the uterus. They said that I don't look like I'm 5 weeks 2 days along, so I'm curious as to what the elevated HCG levels may mean, if anything. I am trying so hard not to get excited, not to get my hopes up.

I'm failing. Miserably. I can't believe we're going to be a family of five. Or six. The ultrasound tech said that the sac seemed small compared to my numbers, so it's a possibility that I'm pregnant with twins. We have a follow-up ultrasound in two weeks to hopefully see more.

Rainy days...

We had a wonderful time on our trip - we stayed in Lucerne, Switzerland but drove all over. Before our eight days were over we managed to see parts of Germany, France, Austria, Lichtenstein, Italy and almost all of Switzerland. We had to change the way we travel quite a bit to accommodate Julian's nap schedule - but overall, I'm so glad we went. I'll have tips to post later about traveling with a (very mobile) 11 month old. In the meantime, if you have an opportunity to travel with your children, don't let the fear of what ifs keep you homebound. Sure, they may not remember the trip - but you will.

And trust me, the stories about the trip will more than make up for their lack of memory. For example - did you know that a baby can lose a hotel room key in between the seemingly infinitesimally small space between the wall and the skirting board? And that the baby can do this no less than five minutes after you assure his father that there is no way that the baby can lose the key?

This pregnancy seems to be going o.k. - aside from a scare this past Monday when my blood pressure dropped to 80/60 and I fainted twice - necessitating a trip to Labor & Delivery to monitor contractions that didn't seem to stop. I had a bleeding episode when we were in Europe, but everything seems to be fine now. An ultrasound after we returned was unable to pinpoint what the problem is.

Hard to believe Julian will be a year old in less than two weeks. Harder still to believe that we'll have two sons before the summer is over. Time is going by so very fast.